e end 

My Last Hurrah

ahmad vs melvin

and so.. e 01/06 BMT (L) Cohort was too be my last batch even though
I will be around for e 02/06..sadly.. savin grace bein' most of e time during 02 will be spent at home or elsewhere sans island T.. absolutely wonderful..

e guys were great and i think workin in e coy has never been better.
e officers get along greatly and there's a healthy amount of respect 'mongst
e specs and e occifers.. plenty laughs less sorrows less heart ache, simply outstandin' haha
budden again, i think as i handle instructors better, i handled e recruits with less heart and
mind.. careless decisions.. unkept promises.. things i thought eradicated but back to haunt me again.
u win some u lose some i guess.

at this point when my time in army is comin to an end.. i guess some reflection has to take place.. even if unwanted
e temper i think has generally been taken care off(i hope), there seems to be more maturity(pls) and i certainly think that im more.. erm.. juz cant think of anyhtin from websters' to describe it at this moment.. 放得开.. i demand less from ppl(gd) but at e same time expect less of myself as well(sad).. i think im less rigid more hip but at the same time less disciplined.. well wadyya know..
u win some u lose some i guess.

i juz wanna enjoy e last few months in green.. get that 2nd bar and e pink ic..
ooh.. ORD lor

我只是想要一些疯狂
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e guys 

Mry Xmass!!

Its that time o' e year again.
But before we go there...
There was one night i was having an online chat with norman
and i realised that weve both changed alot or maybe ive changed too much that i dun really know him too well anymore, likewise for him with me.
its a bit sad for me..well hes really e only guy who i thinks knows me well
maybe im wrong, i hope i am
coz all this while
e one constant in my life has been him( my, this sounds damn gay)
if i do not hav e courage to put these feelings down in words
and when those feelings hafta to do with my pal of mine
i guess... i cant consider myself to have grown up reli.
but i think we can still go strong for many yrs to come...
i juz hafta put in more effort.. much more

so imagine..if my best pal(shud be one sided) requires me to put in more effort
what happens to those guys u see in e pic above?
Guys,
i aint e best pal u can find and im damn thankful u guys still are such great buds
i'll try to be better.. haha..try.

we had one of our few sqd outings and these outings are always one that i look forward to.
coz without them.. i will never see e ppl whove been tru jnco with me
we had a great time..i think or try to make myself believe haha
i didn have much luck with e gift exchange
but i guess i cant ask for too much with e gifts i gave haha
and.. e gift reli isnt too bad.. haha thanks xuan.
e movie was okay.. but with 'e promise' showing
any show is great to watch
i think e gals r great..we guys make such lousy company but yr after yr..
they still bother to hang out with us haha. thanks man.

xmas i guess is e time for joy n givin and thankin those ppl
who make ur lives o' so complete is reli a small thing to do
but i always fail to! haha.. new yr resolution.

i always hav no pics of my sj outings but i did have one as usual
sj is always homely and fun
but i realised that
i still need time for my life to be outside sj,
time for my family, ocs pals other friends n myself
im not pushing sj away, coz i juz wont, at least not in e near future
its juz that.. all those other ppl, ive pushed away for too long..
so much..
its just not time yet.
'they' say:
"when its time to go, its time to go"
for me at e moment..
when its time to go back, its time

mry xmas everybody

e life

went back to jnco.
its more relaxed for me with the freedom of plannin my schedule without having to compromise either viper or sjab. hav to thank cc and his organising committee for that.
many views i've had i no longer have. no idea how huawei manages to keep those views' of his.
i was asking him y he still loves it here in sj and he told me its abt meeting new ppl.
haha, e new ppl are very interesting, i realised yiwei has a slacking aura which naturally makes every ally around her +5slackness and e young jncos + std 1s have managed to excite me as well.
maybe army has changed me, but i do remember preaching b4 to juz let things fall into place and to not try overly hard or be depressed too much by other ppl's lack of trying. i told quite a few ppl that yrs ago when i conducted lessons, ppl wud hav to drag me to finish up e lesson as i wud want everything to be 'in place' before i go,those notorious high standards which army recs still think i have, are still there, but i lack e desire and the determination i had before to produce e results.
now, more often than not, i'll leave after deeming ive taught 'according to lesson plan', ive put in some extra effort, e rest is up to them, go on do ur best.
e trust i have in other ppl is obviously still there, biy i'm not sure whether its agood thing ive changed in such a way. i used to want n try to do everything. now im happy wanting others to have a go and let everything 'zi sheng zi mie'.
hike was a gd experience, 'aa' was activated wif our no.3 having to go back to fufil anco commitments and thus requiring no.0(aka mentor) to fill in. i felt a sense of pride that the 4 of them(less pw) have grown up to be such fine men without having me around. i always had that 'invisible' policy but im still glad for them and hope in my heart dat i did make a difference, somehow. hopefully as well, they'll continue to grow to become more mature, better leaders and happier ppl than they already are, while allowing me to still be part of their lives.
other than that, jnco was basically walking around talking to ppl, i guess they know my character quite well already, but hopefully they noticed the change in me as well, i'm a better person, really, ha. shenglian,sheryl n yeekian are also great, seeing them in action made me realise that wad i wished for when they were juz abt to pop, that they'll one day stand aside me shoulder to shoulder and be people that i trust and respect, that wish has been realised.
when it comes to linda though, haha, im a complete mess and nothing's really changed. she sounds and looks great from where im always 'hiding' and im hoping that gdbye we exchanged will not be the last.
sj was once my 2nd home, im glad it still feels home minus the unfamiliarity that comes about naturally with me being away for so long.
xmas is comin, to my 'families', God bless, health n happiness be with you always. =)

for old times' sake

many things do not happen the way u want them to.
too bad.
i try to keep an open mind when i read my appraisals.
try.
my leadership ability's become average.
average.
temper needs to be in check.
control.
previous batchces i have never had such comments.
complacency, failure.
must remember how i was,what i want to be.
remember, strive.

i still don't understand how e hell did i get a2 for gp, my writing sucks.
still i try. 0405 just graduated and have finally been posted to their new units today.
they were technically my first full leadership batch and they took me away from my comfort zone which i had started to laze in. striked off many 'firsts' from my personal list. oc leaving for country x paved way for a difficult period for me which i still feel i could have handled much better. normally stayin calm is my expertise and something i thought i could write down as my strength without feeling guilty, but panick has conquered me too much for my own comfort these few weeks. I need to stay calm.focused.brave.confident.my rec wrote that i had average leadership skills and for a long time, those skills of mine have not been described in that manner. i aint sayin that my skills are excellent and 'inspirational' as other recs have stated, but my confidence has been shaken and i need that confidence to do my job well. maintaining a cool temper is another skill i need to do my job. my temper has gotten worse again, even though it aint anywhere close to wad it was 3 yrs ago. i need to keep controllin till i needn control 'imore.
one more batch to go, all e way no regrets.

thanks guys, f' keepin me in check.
all the best for e new yr.

old times

bball 2ic

if only i were 2ic for bball
but no no.. oc had something else in stall...
so well.. gone are those slack days as a pc
take it as a man.. man
i trusted ant so much i brought my sry arse frm pasir ris all e way to ajc
big bag sore throat closing eyes e whole package
when i finally reached there
a great match was waiting... with 3 teams taking to e court
ant geyun n me
waddehell
but nonetheless.. e 3 of us(samson missin this time) still managed to entertain ourselves to e max... alwaes .
ant fell in love wif deon n i wif janice
hopefully we lighted up their days as we did ours
geyun managed to save his butt.. e only dull spot of e shining day
reli miss e aj days i realise
e old place looked so lovely
looks much better now tho in all ernersty
theres e new security check but didn have any problems goin in
unlike goin in to dhs

its e laz week for kumar n gang
fun while it lasted
hopefully it was for them too
7 or7

cocK 

mumblings

booking in n out of tekong is a bloody tiring thing to do
but its one o' those things you hate to do yet muz do
cdo on fri but left early due to e 9 div dinner
e fantastic 120 sing dollars dinner
reli screwed myself up by wearing e s'n'k coat n a t shirt inside
that was smart cas for me
but i had to put a sign "im not cold" on me forehead
didn look too bad i guess but in singapore
u juz cant try to be too different i guess
some ppl can be so unforgivin
morale of e story: if ure gonna dress up, drive or take a cab
e dinner wasnt exceptional
bmtc guys still had training e next day n dat definitely contributed to e unwillingness to totally immerse ourselves in e occasion
i felt e committee did a great job juz that more of our one two o cudve gone to e food instead of e entertainment
e drag queens were fantatsic so was e emcee
went for supper wif e guys
cant reli communicate wif ngiam coz o' ulysses
e guy not e coy : hes one guy difficult to like
bo zhi n hong xin didn reli help make my days brighter either
but theyre swell guys i know
n they muz all come frm his coy haha talk abt coincidence
bloggin is actually quite fun.. my life is pretty borin for me to be typin this
its her birthday 2day
hope she enjoys her day
haven talked to her in a while
wish she's alright
she's nvr gonna read this but nonetheless
HAppy BIrthday

lovin e show project superstar
liked this gal chanel
thought she sang fab
too bad e judges n ppl out there dun share my sentiments
fantastic "groove"
fantastic personality
i feel la
now its left to kelvin n kelly to battle it out
judging by e last show
e 2 k's dun reli deserve to be there
lets juz hope they pay back their loyal supporters with a superb show on teachers' day
chanel

e good o' creed

we(cadets) were always told:
when we're lost.. look to e creed for e answers
its been quite a while since i last recited or simply juz looked at e gd o' creed
marvellously penned it reali is
and many answers they provide for u as well =)
e new pes c batch has been quite an experience
e first week was slow and tiring, endless lectures and mindless routines
prowling in e middle of e night didnt help, recruits didnt feel loved nor did we
met a few recruits who were delightfully optimistic and still retained their sense of humor even after giving up their precious pink ics
love dese fellas, they hav a gift that is e best any one can hav
e gift of humor, e gift to bring a smile to a face
my temper has reli cooled, great for me to know and gd news for e recs as well i guess
stubborn fiddling in file, unwillingness to learn
all these stuff didnt tickle me one bit
but pia tat didnt reli appreciate that.. he aint in my platoon but talked to him one night and he cant bliv that saf is not even half of sj, i cudnt bliv it as well at first but ive grown to appreciate its beauty, he will too someday
field camp was a breeze and im startin to enjoy stayin back in camp with e guys
dun reli know whether thats bad or gd haha
e guys are difficult to motivate with e numerous activities they hav in stall for them
its difficult to explain to dem y they cant take part in weights when they n i know that dey r perfectly fine to lift 5 kilo weights, n i aint about to march into co's office and demand one either
e platoon instructors r great, everyone knows their role and theres respect for one another
someone's unhappy with me but it was great coz many o' e other guys told me it aint my fault and i got to know how they felt abt me at e same time
tbtl 2dae, asked e guys to write down their goals or visions or somethin along that line
my goal for them is fairly simple, respect one another,
n i realised that i haven reli sat down to think abt my own goals lately
thats gonna be my agenda for e next week
currently on e list r 2 birthdays comin up
i enjoy one's company while i sorta miss e other's
its their birthdays and best wishes to 'em

woke up, now to stay awake 7

never so lost

army

e army is where i belong to now and it has reli changed my life. ppl close to me are drfitin away but i figure im e one doin e driftin and i dun seem to be able to find that strength to change e tide. ive never considered myself a leader but im supposed to be one now. actually im supposed to have been leadin for many yrs now and i m gettin reli sick of it. "sir.. can i do tt.. sir.. may i hav permission.. sir.. he att c.. sir.. what do i do?" there r still guys who i can turn to i think but i juz have this irresponsible thought of wantin to rid myself of o'these. im tired of leadin. if i was a gd leader, then too bad i aint what u think.. if i was a bad one.. guess what, ure right. im tryin to rekindle any fire i hav left inside of me and try to be useful to e ppl who have to suffer under me and intake's tmr, so for their sake i sure hope somethin does burn soon enuff. im lost, hopelessly loss. norman, it sucks ure not here with me, ur 'rubbish' alwaes seem to help but i have to learn to help myself, im supposed to help others,

good times await

wake up man
7

missin em
juz photos of me, self lovin me. actually juz tried to get pics of me n other ppl n stuff but realised i aint reli a photo person. or maybe i juz aint wanted in 'em.haha hope not.read janice's blog e other day n she had this 'missin' thing and it juz got me 'missing' as well. there are many o' u guys. e sj guys will always stay close to my heart even though my heart is tellin me i may put a full stop on that chapter in my life soon.dhs guys and s.e.x are also dear to me but i guess im never close to anyone in particular, bad ppl person ya see but miss ya ll e same. e aj guys i always hav in e corner of my mind, ya guys gave me e happiest n most carefree times of my life, not forgettin e stupid crush n stuff, cock ant king n gang rock my world. ocs bravo guys are e same, guys forgive me for showin u e temper that ive been tryin to curb all these yrs, succeeded at first i think but guess ive much to learn still, thanks for all e memories, we come frm many places n yes u r e best. not forgettin e ppl around me block, desmond guohui terence n gang who have been shootin hoops with me all my life, home cud never be homw wihout ya'll. there r ppl i think i miss more but im never gonna name them, never my style but if ure one o'em, hey i miss ya, reli.


life in tekong has been takin its toll. wake up man

taiwan

haha visted taipei with mum and spent loads flew off on mon and checked into royal castle hotel it wasnt that royal but i loved it hoped mum did finally got to spend time away from life in singapore finally to shed away responsibilities and juz be free my mum on e contrary had to put up wif me and probably walked e most she had in one day tahn she had in her entire life wif me taiwan was interestin as expected with e ppl different n stuff they probly didn see a person as shabby as me b4 but i guess its juz becuz all o'em dress up so nice all e time visited a few different places from e last time i was there durin starlight and loved e places like 101 and this funny street which i still have no idea wad its called mum had a rest e 2nd day as we followed a tour grp but on e 3rd and 4th it was back to followin me around haha bought shirts and berms forgot pants but i was never gonna wear them aniwae and lucky bro had somethin similar to wadever i bought splurged abit on comics that i didn find back home but i guess it was worth it e food was great everythin was great wanna do this more often overseas n stuff explore n stuff still think abt studyin overseas but i know im never ever gonna get into it to my own stubborness and the cost n stuff but its still nice thinkin abt it rather than thinkin of e stuff i hav back home sianness
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